Interview: Jonathan Ke Quan (Short Round from Indiana Jones)

There are very few legends in the film industry who match the iconic status of Jonathan Ke Quan. Renowned for his stroke-of-genius childhood acting in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, as well as for his subversively brilliant turn as the “token” stereotype in the immortally beloved cult flick Goonies, Jonathan is very busy these days, balancing his time between working in an erotic greeting card store in Queens and collaborating on a spoken word novel with Sean Penn. We caught up with him via Instant Messenger recently, and talked to him for a bit about his past work, as well as what the future may hold — if not just for him, certainly for us all.

AT: Hi, how are you, Jonathan?

JKQ: very good. i am tanned so doing well. incredible bakery down the street from where i live in queens, very nice bread.

AT: Let’s get right to it. You’ve been out of the movies for a while. What have you been up to?

JKQ: goonies 2.

AT: They’re making a sequel to The Goonies?

JKQ: No. hahaha. i just like to say that and see people get happy, then get sad. i tell people all the time. sometimes i dont tell them i’m kidding. i hope they will get angry and call steven spelberg and yell at him for not making it.

AT: Did he make the first one?

JKQ: Yes.

AT: I thought Richard Donner directed it and Spielberg produced it?

[long pause; Jonathan changes his Instant Messenger avatar to a picture of Princess Peach from Super Mario]

JKQ: that is a lie. many people think that. richard donder is just spielberg’ss fake name, so he can direct more movies and make more money and not have the jews angry at him like mel gibson was.

AT: Do you have any particularly memorable stories from the set of Temple of Doom?

JKQ: Yes indeed. one day on shooting, me, harry ford, willie and Brussel the elephant went swimming in lake. only the lake had lots of worms in it, which was gross. Stevie spielberg got so mad at us, haha, i remember he run down to lake naked screaming at us. he was naked except for baseball hat on his cap.

AT: Steven Spielberg was naked?

JKQ: Yes, very hot in jungle. He used to take off clothes and call it ” cool time “, run around naked with fans on as he was to be very sweaty. would bother the ladies quite often sometimes, but this is how he met his new wife, Willy, after all. she was a very sexy lady.

AT: Kate Capshaw?

JKQ: Yes, Willy.

AT: Moving on to something I’m sure you’ve gotten quite often… I was disappointed that you weren’t in Indy 4, to be honest. Were you ever approached for a cameo?

JKQ: No no no. yes. I was suppose to be in scene.

AT: Which scene?

[At this point in the instant messenger conversation, Jonathan changes his avatar to a picture of a fuzzy cartoon bumble bee hugging an animated heart, and changes his Away Message to "LOL JONNY BRAVO IS SO FUNNY"; he returns after a short absence]

JKQ: where  i was at? oh yes, which scene. Scene in beginning with fridge.

AT: The nuclear fridge scene?

JKQ: no. yes, that one. the nuclar fridge in the house, yes.

AT: How were they going to put you in that scene?

JKQ: well, you see, harry ford, he is not a very funny guy. you may watch his movies, the funny ones, and think “oh haha, that harry ford, he is sometimes funny!” but what you don’t know when you watch these movies is that they aren’t supposed to be funny. he is just not a good actor. when he pretends to be serious he is the funny ina  wrong way.

AT: You don’t think he’s a good actor?

JKQ: yes. no. i watch hunt for red october sequel with liam many times in house with friends, we luagh at his voice, he can not act good in that. iceland man could do better russian voice! very funny movie, not supposed to be though. yes, harry, sometimes he can be boring and make people fall asleep.at indy premiere, i look at audience, i look at mickey rooney in his chair, he is asleep with his mouth out. very sad, harry is just old though ,it is not his fault.

JKQ: So how did the nuclear fridge scene work out?

JKQ: Georgie Lucas, or as i call him george lucas, he call up Stevie, he say, “Stevie, stevie, you need humor part in movie. you need more funny. there’s too much talking here, too much explaining, that is boring, this part in the scriptplay, i want lots of explosions here and lots of funny talk right here.” Then he went over to Speileberg’s house to deliver his own edited script, with lots of funny parts added in, but some of them werent meant to be funny, they just were because Georgie isn’t too good at thinking. One of his scenes was me, I was suppose to be in fridge at beginning of movie, so when harry Ford opens up fridge as Indy, there is loving Short Round inside, sitting in fridge.

AT: George Lucas proposed this idea?

JKQ: Yes yes yes, it was all master Lucas. He is so good with these things, very funny guy. actually he is kind of an ass hole.

AT: Spielberg was going to film this? You in the fridge? How did you get in the fridge?

JKQ: Here is what happened. master Lucas calls me up at three in morning, I am with woman of the evning in bed, he says “JONATHAN KWANZO,” because he never know my name. “JONATHAN KWANZO” he yell, “We NEED YOU FOR INDY 4.” I say to lady go into bathroom, then I tell Georgie I am very interested but he needs to pay for my lady for me to do this, so He agrees. This is my payment for movie.

AT: George Lucas paid your prostitute for you?

JKQ: Yes, that and for can of Pringles and season pass to Disney World. So I tell Georgie “tell me Georgie, what is my part in this great film that you speak of?” So Georgie talk to me on phone for five minutes, very excited, tells me all about his idea. I laugh, I cry, it is very funny, very moving, has great awards written all over. I know it is going to be very special.

I say “Georgie,” I say, “This is something I am interested in, this sounds like a motion of pictures that i would like to be in. This is wonderful stuff, i laughed, i cried, i had a super time.” He tells me to pack because he will send me a ride to the set, because they already filming. He tells me he is worried that Stevie Spelburg is messing up movie with not enough jokes, needs more funny scenes and humor, and he tells me i am his secret weapon for the fans, because georgie, as we all know from star Wars movies, he is a big fan of secret weapons. the ewoks, they were his secret weapon for part 3.

So here is idea for fridge scene,,Indy runs into empty house. very scary, nuclear bomb going off. He runs to fridge, opens the door. There inside is me, Short round, eating bananas. Eating bananas because they are Georgie Lucas favorite fruit, he likes them alot. He tells me, “Short Round,” (he calls me Short Round because he forgets my real name), “Short Round, you are going to sit in that fridge, and you are going to eat a banana.” this is before we are filming, he tells me to climb in the fridge when no one is looking. so then spielberg walks in, he says “let’s knock this sucker out and hit the catering,” and he gets into his director chair and  shouts ACTION! And when Indy Ford opens fridge, there I am, inside the fridge, to surprise everyone. and it is funny, because there is me from Temple of doom, Shorty Round Jonathan, eating banana in fridge. And it makes people pause and laugh and say “Oh yes, there he is, Shorty Round Jonathan from Temple.” They laugh because they like Short Round, they have good memories of Short Round, it reminds them of good movie of childhood. It good joke, it work, we film scene, I pop out, I frighten Harry ford because he and Stevie do not know about George’s surprise. I say “Okie dokie dr. Jones, no time for love, a bomb is to explode!” then he looks real worried and white light shoots out, and he climbs in fridge with me. then bomb goes off, we both explode through the space.

But Stevie Spielberg, he has his own ideas about this. he tells Georgie this is not good, this sucks, this is not Indiana Jones, this does not make sense. George and him argue for a long time before agreeing that scene will not be in movie, so then there in the final version of the movie, you see when he opens the fridge the camera looks inside but nothing is there, that is because they made special effects of me gone. They took me out of the fridge. originally i step out of fridge and I am the Gofer in the desert that Indy looks at, but in the final movie they replaced me with the gofer with computers. but you can still see my shadow.

AT: How did you feel about that?

JKQ: I am mad at first but not nearly as mad as John Williams, he sit down on bench next to me behind movie set, and say to me, “Jonathan, I had great plans for this scene, I was going to make the best music of my life for when Indy opens that fridge and finds you inside. it was going to be a very special moment, the best of my best, but now that is gone and I have nothing.” He was so sad and cried for hours. I was just happy because I got to keep the bananas.

AT: Any plans for the future?

JKQ: i work at erotic greeting card store down the street. but Right now i am working on book with sean penn.

AT: Sean Penn?

JKQ: Yes. he sent me email two weeks ago. its funny because name on email address is samar fuentes and on the phone he sounds like he is from another country, and he keep asking me for money to send for him to help write book, but then i realize this is just because he is great method actor and is in character. he is probably playing african tourist in next martin scorcece movie.

AT: What’s the book about?

JKQ: I dont know yet, i give sean $2,034 american dollers to start writing. he tells me to send more very day to help him find inspiration, but i do, because i know this sean penn, this oscar winner, he is a great man, a great american who the critics love and will be sure to help me reach my name to the stars again. he tells me one thing, he says jonathan, we are going to make first spoken word novel ever. i say to him, seann, i think you are one crazy son of a bastard, and i am sam sucked, but sean, i trust you. i trust you to deliver these goods to us, and make me famous again.

AT: Thanks for the interview.

JKQ: you are welcome. thanks for sending me funny samuel jackson snakes on a plane emails, they are funny.

[ed note: we didn't send him any e-mails]

Disclaimer: this interview was entirely false and Jonathan Ke Quan never said any of this.

Tagged as: indiana jones, interviews, jonathan ke quan